Thursday, May 30, 2013

Nobody gets into a Bathroom Stall with my Baby!

photo courtesy of Photo Bucket
Today, my daughter came home with another bullying story. It’s not the first time someone did her wrong, and it won’t be the last! I listened to her long winded story of what happened...the girl was bugging her....wouldn’t shut up....told her to just leave me alone, go away...she said that nobody liked her....climbed over the top of the bathroom stall...

Wait, she what!? Yes I had heard it right, this mean, obtrusive bully, climbed over the top of the bathroom stall when my daughter went in there to get away from her.

I asked her next, “Did she put her hands on you?”

My daughter looked at me, she knows I can be fierce, and she put her head down and said no. I asked her again, wondering if her body language was showing tell tale signs of a lie. “Tell me now, the truth, did she put her hands on you? Did she poke you, push you, or did she shove you?” A mutual friend of my daughter and the bully had to actually drag this girl out of the bathroom, in order for the situation to stop. This girl did not put her hands on my daughter, but at this point, it didn’t matter.

I put on my shoes, told her to do the same and I asked her where this girl was right now! Possibly she was at the neighbors (the mutual friend) or at the school yard. We went to the neighbors, as I knocked on the door and rang the doorbell, to no answer; I could feel my anger growing.

As I said, when it comes to my girl, I can be fierce!

We walked to the school yard, and she was not there.

I took a breath, and took a cue from my daughter. My adrenaline was pumping, and I could see it got her pumping too. I knew I needed to calm down, and hopefully, I wouldn’t really find this girl. Instead I decided to walk into the school, to tell the principle.

As it turns out, this bully was being suspended, for what I know to be the 3rd or 4th time this school year. We told the principle what happened, we told him what she said, and I remembered to include the part about her wishing my daughter would die in a hole. Who says that? A few girls have bothered my unassuming daughter before. I have talked her through it, done and said all the things I believed to be right. This time though was different. Nobody, I mean nobody, gets into a bathroom stall with my baby!

When I was a teenager, a fair share of girls hated me. They didn’t like my long “spaghetti hair” (as they affectionately called it). One time, I even got chased out of one of the boys houses because one girl found out I was there hanging out.  They didn’t want me to hang out with any of the guys; they didn’t want their boyfriends talking to me. They seemed to wish I had never come to their school.  I wish back then I had someone to protect me, to stand up for me. I wish I could have been better at standing up for myself. I know firsthand how mean and cruel girls can be. I won’t be able to protect my daughter from all of them, but I can damn well try!

On the walk back home, my daughter thanked me for standing up for her, and for talking to the principal, and for all of the things I told her. One of the things I told her was that if anyone ever shoved her, she was to use all her strength and shove them back. Her response was a wide eyes, “mom, then I will get expelled and I will get into trouble!” To which I replied, “Honey, I already home school you part time, you can come to my school and you won’t get in trouble from me for standing up for yourself, EVER.”

Did I tell her the wrong thing? I know violence doesn’t solve anything and “violence begets violence”, but really, if someone cornered you, and punched you in the face, would you smile at them? I don’t think so!
Thanks for stopping by!



  1. Your daughter is couragous and tough. You were wonderfully wise in this situation. Forget about if what you "told" is right or wrong; your actions were what stood out for me. You gifted your daughter with tenderness and intensity and that allowed her to walk to the neighbours and walk to the school, with her fear, and in so doing allowed her to experience her innate courage - her fearlessness! You are helping to build her resilience and that is Gold!

    1. Thank you so much! Thanks for reading, and yes, I hope one day she is aware of that fearlessness! It took me a long time to find mine!

  2. I enjoyed this story!! It's sometimes so ugly to realize the cruelty in some people. YOU told her the right thing! I just pictured your intensity, while looking for the girl. I would also be boiling to know this happen to my child. I love it when you said: “Honey, I already home school you part time, you can come to my school and you won’t get in trouble from me for standing up for yourself, EVER.”

    CLEARLY, these bullies have lost their definition of home. Some have never been home; but that does not excuse bullying. She said some cruel words to your daughter! :( "Die in a hole" that's so cruel and disgusting. She does not even need to go to this school, especially since this is a multiple instance; she would benefit from counseling instead, because where she is now is not seemingly helping her! Good for you though Tannis! This was a wonderful read!

  3. ! I never knew you were bullied too, and I wish no one could go through this! I made a video about this before, and maybe I can share some light in how I feel about it. Nonetheless, much love and peace to you! :)

    1. Thanks Jesse for reading! Yes I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks so to speak! Being the "pretty white girl" was problematic at times. But it made me who I am today and I am thankful for that!