Monday, April 22, 2013

Wrestling With Creativity

Every day upon waking, and enjoying my morning coffee, I have three choices of how I will proceed with my day.  I ask myself, today, will I be a writer, feeling the need to get a story or essay written? Are the words taking up space in my mind, almost forcing me to take pen to paper? Am I a paper crafter, wanting to create something new with the copious amounts of pretty paper in my work room? Perhaps I can make some new journals? Maybe today I’m going to work on teaching outlines for my daughter, make a new home schooling binder, print out worksheets for her to complete, and I will be a teacher. Each day, these are the questions swirling around in my creative mind, wrestling with each other, and no I am not multiple personality!

I do however have three very distinct outlets for my creativity. I am a writer, a paper crafter and teacher to my daughter.

When creativity strikes, it is all encompassing. There could be words swimming in my head that have a need to come together, and I cannot properly focus on anything else. A color combination or a great gift idea may come to mind, or I may have a flash of brilliance, a scholastic idea pops into my mind that I just need to incorporate into my daughters teaching routine. If I do not satiate my creative idea right away, I have a dull ache that takes over my body.

When I go a few days without creating, my body reminds me, by throwing me a headache, or I become restless and unfocused.

I came across this photo today on Facebook, and it just struck a chord with me.
There are a few circumstances in my life, which leave me wishing someone could honestly say these words to me.

Today I wish someone could tell me that they know how frustrating it can be to have multiple creative outlets and the struggle that comes with choosing which one to nurture on any given day. I suppose I don’t surround myself with enough people that are “like” me, but I have never considered it a qualification of friendship.

I know people who are very creative. Some of them have a love for art, writing, playing instruments, or singing. They are all so talented and have a single driving passion. I have three. They equally engage me, they equally bring a smile to my lips, and they equally satisfy a hunger in me. And every day, they equally rival for my attention. I wonder to myself, could this be right? Is it possible I just think that they are all equally important to me? The blessing to this, is that ideas pass through each other, dripping their essence into my heart and mind, while I am busy being creative! The downfall is that I become so engrossed in my work, that I forget the world is still involved around me. Hours pass without me being aware of them! Sometimes logic has to win, it could be that I have a writing deadline, other times I have a show coming up or a special order that needs to be ready, so I am crafting all day and into the evening, days upon days. It is what takes the most of my time and I suppose wins the wrestling match more often than not.

Teaching my daughter is a necessity, and sometimes has to win the match against all odds, against all desires of my heart. Some days, that are truly brilliant in their own right, I get to do all three. Those are my best days. Those are the days I go to bed, and realize, that I had a perfect teaching opportunity, I created something new in my craft room, and I took the time to write.

These are things I cannot calendar, I cannot schedule, I cannot force.

There are days that one of these creative forces speaks a little bit louder than the others, and I listen. There are days, I wish that I could be happy just to choose one. But how do you let go of something that feels so good?

Do you wrestle with creativity? Share your story with me, because it would mean so much to know that someone knows exactly how I feel!

Thanks for stopping by.