Wrestling With Creativity

Every day upon waking, and enjoying my morning coffee, I have three choices of how I will proceed with my day.  I ask myself, today, will I be a writer, feeling the need to get a story or essay written? Are the words taking up space in my mind, almost forcing me to take pen to paper? Am I a paper crafter, wanting to create something new with the copious amounts of pretty paper in my work room? Perhaps I can make some new journals? Maybe today I’m going to work on teaching outlines for my daughter, make a new home schooling binder, print out worksheets for her to complete, and I will be a teacher. Each day, these are the questions swirling around in my creative mind, wrestling with each other, and no I am not multiple personality!

I do however have three very distinct outlets for my creativity. I am a writer, a paper crafter and teacher to my daughter.

When creativity strikes, it is all encompassing. There could be words swimming in my head that have a need to come together, and I cannot properly focus on anything else. A color combination or a great gift idea may come to mind, or I may have a flash of brilliance, a scholastic idea pops into my mind that I just need to incorporate into my daughters teaching routine. If I do not satiate my creative idea right away, I have a dull ache that takes over my body.

When I go a few days without creating, my body reminds me, by throwing me a headache, or I become restless and unfocused.

I came across this photo today on Facebook, and it just struck a chord with me.

There are a few circumstances in my life, which leave me wishing someone could honestly say these words to me.

Today I wish someone could tell me that they know how frustrating it can be to have multiple creative outlets and the struggle that comes with choosing which one to nurture on any given day. I suppose I don’t surround myself with enough people that are “like” me, but I have never considered it a qualification of friendship.

I know people who are very creative. Some of them have a love for art, writing, playing instruments, or singing. They are all so talented and have a single driving passion. I have three. They equally engage me, they equally bring a smile to my lips, and they equally satisfy a hunger in me. And every day, they equally rival for my attention. I wonder to myself, could this be right? Is it possible I just think that they are all equally important to me? The blessing to this, is that ideas pass through each other, dripping their essence into my heart and mind, while I am busy being creative! The downfall is that I become so engrossed in my work, that I forget the world is still involved around me. Hours pass without me being aware of them! Sometimes logic has to win, it could be that I have a writing deadline, other times I have a show coming up or a special order that needs to be ready, so I am crafting all day and into the evening, days upon days. It is what takes the most of my time and I suppose wins the wrestling match more often than not.

Teaching my daughter is a necessity, and sometimes has to win the match against all odds, against all desires of my heart. Some days, that are truly brilliant in their own right, I get to do all three. Those are my best days. Those are the days I go to bed, and realize, that I had a perfect teaching opportunity, I created something new in my craft room, and I took the time to write.

These are things I cannot calendar, I cannot schedule, I cannot force.

There are days that one of these creative forces speaks a little bit louder than the others, and I listen. There are days, I wish that I could be happy just to choose one. But how do you let go of something that feels so good?

Do you wrestle with creativity? Share your story with me, because it would mean so much to know that someone knows exactly how I feel!

Thanks for stopping by.

Tannis

 

 

 

Listening to my Heart

My heart is speaking to me. It has been nudging me for weeks, whispering in my ear, keeping me up at night and in general, being so loud that I am finding it hard to concentrate, I am unable to sleep, and I’m feeling restless and unsettled.

This happens to me every once in a while, and sometimes I ignore it. It’s those times when I know I will fail myself. I tell it to be still, keep quiet, I m not ready or I don’t have the time; I have other things on the go. Unfortunately, I am not always the type of person who learns from my mistakes. I let history repeat itself again, and again and again. Yet I tell my daughter all the time, "when you know better, do better". I should listen to my own advice!

Today I said to myself, “Tannis, your heart is talking, please just shut up and listen!” Today, and in the coming days, I am going to just be still and take note. I am going to let time do its thing, I am going to let my inner voice resonate within me, and I am going to listen. I know that beautiful things will come from it. I know where the end point is, I just need to be brave enough to partake in the journey, no matter how much it scares me, no matter what comes of it.

Have you ever had moments, when your body gives you clues and you have ignored them? Maybe you read them the wrong way? Maybe you have forgotten? My body is giving me clues. I have this feeling coming upon me. It's that feeling I would imagine getting before jumping out of a plane, or waiting in line to go on a Ferris wheel (which I love to hate), it is that feeling that comes upon me before something big is about to happen.
 

I am going to trust in the process, I am going to take advantage of those days that creativity is seeping from my body and flowing through my blood, and I am finally going to begin the process of making those dreams a reality!

It’s an art, listening to what the universe is telling us. Do you struggle with it? Tell me, I so want to know that I am not alone in this!
 

Thanks for stopping by!

Tannis

Is This Morbid, Weird, or Thoughtful?

Have you ever gone on a trip and wondered ``what if I die``? ``What will happen to my kids, and my animals``? I don`t mean the things you would leave in a will. Have you ever wondered if you died, would the people you love know how you felt about them?  Have you wondered if you are leaving a legacy for your kids and family to be proud of? Would your children know your story?

I realize that this is not the most normal of thoughts for someone to have, and I don’t have them often, but it would be a lie if I told you I never wondered. In fact, I will admit to leaving an unknown letter once when taking a trip. I must have had a bad feeling or something, and I justified in my mind, that was the reason I left it. Of course, there never was a plane crash and the letter never did get read, just thrown in the trash.

What is this all about, you ask? I just came back from a small vacation. I was camping and when I am out in the wilderness, I tend to think a bit too much by the crackle of the fire, the mesmerizing lap of the lake water, the weightlessness I feel as my body glides under the water and waves splash over my body. A good book always helps and I am currently reading a good book, full of thought provoking chapters!

Things I Want My Daughters to Know, by Elizabeth Noble. In this book, the main character has 4 daughters, and has had 2 husbands. She has died of cancer. One day before she deteriorated too much, she decided to keep a notebook, not so much a journal, and record various accounts of her life for her daughters. In her notebook, she tells them stories that weave the fabric of her life, she gives them advice, admits some large secrets, shares with them her memories of their lives, and decisions she has made. I like the book. I like it enough, that just like a recipe that I find appealing, I decided to try it and make it my own, reworking the ingredients.

It could be that my mom is turning 80 this year, and I am seeing her weak and miserable and defeated, that I have begun to think of my life and the way I have chosen to live it. I don`t know my mom’s story, the hardships she endured before I came along, the reasons for her decisions. I don`t know why she married the men she did, why she stayed so long, what dreams she had, and what she gave up to be our mom. I know she has always been independent, stubborn, and a hard worker. I know she has a heart of gold. I also know, that if you ask her about her life, her memory fails her; or she chooses to not remember and share.

I have started to keep a book for my daughter, that is only for her, to read when I am old, or when I am gone. I will record memories I have of her as a baby, a child, a teenager and so on. I will tell her about her dad, and my decision to marry him and my reasons for not staying with him. I will tell her about my life, things I have done, places I have been, people I have loved. I have to say, with the stories floating in my mind, I don`t think it`s morbid, I think it is exciting! I wish my mom had done the same, so that my siblings and I could read her thoughts, her memories, know her story. It is exciting to know, that when I am gone, my daughter will have a very important piece of me! She will have those conversations that mother and daughter should have!

Tell me, honestly, is this something you would ever do. Is it too much, too stupid, too time consuming?

Spring .... it has arrived

The first calendar day of spring has come and gone, but it truly has not felt too much like spring. And then we had today! It was a beautiful, full on sunshine day! The warmth of the sun was so powerful today!

We spent nearly the whole day in our pyjamas, crafting and playing with the cats! After lunch we checked the temperature and it was +8. There was nothing to do but take the dog for a walk. And so we did. I took the dog, Haley took my camera. I looked at her, with her rubber boots, her hoodie, hair bouncing with her walk, and my camera hanging around her neck. She was a vision to me. She looked so grown up, a mini professional photographer in training! Her view of the spring day with the camera was this.....

Haley's boots from her perspective

School



Me in the back yard.

There were plenty of puddles, lots of families walking and riding their bikes! The sun shone through the tree branches, stretching it's rays to reach deep within to help those buds turn to baby buds.....

We walked for an hour, which I tell you was not very comfortable in my new red rubber boots. But it was dry. I love when you walk in a puddle that is really big, or you stand in it just to see the ripples of water, your feet feel like they are getting wet. Then you wait a moment and you realize, no, it's just that the water is that cold!

I love to watch the ripples in the water after Haley has walked through a puddle!


Spring always makes me think of high school spring fever, my first love, late nights in the back yard, driving with all the windows down! Most of all, I love spring for the possibilities of new growth......

Shedding the unwanted and enjoying the blossoms of the new! As nature takes it's course on the outside, we learn, every spring, we learn to blossom again!


Happy Spring everyone, take some time to really enjoy!

Tannis