My Word for 2014

Brave

There it is my word for 2014. I’ve never done it before, chosen a word.

Sure, I’ve set goals, had New Year’s resolutions, set intentions. This year, I chose a word.

One Word, which will guide my year.

Here I was mere days ago and I had two words. Somewhere, several months ago, a word was whispering in my ear, tapping on the windows of my soul. I could hear it, but I felt my heart was too heavy, my soul too dark to see. This word had me searching and wondering.

Oh she was driving me crazy, this word, as I pushed her away. I was not ready for her.

Beauty.

That was it. I was in search of beauty.

I questioned her, this word. What beauty? Mine? Wasn’t I beautiful? I thought I was.

It’s not that kind of beauty. Is it the beauty of my surroundings? Where I live? I don’t know, but I am certain she will present herself to me again.

My other word...Brave.

Brave. This word scared me. It made me cry, it gave me hope. It was a word that didn’t leave me wondering or searching.

It is the word that made me feel. As I sat with my dear friend sharing lunch, my eyes welled with tears. I felt as though I was going to burst, trapped in this body and mind and life that didn’t seem to even belong to me!

That is how I knew that Brave was going to be my word.

In and amongst all of my smiles, my goings on, my creativity, my new projects, my darkness, it was the word that helped me to “feel”. I have joked that I am dead inside, that my heart always feels broken. But it’s no joke, I don’t remember when my heart didn’t feel broken and I do feel dead inside.

Fearful.

Trapped.

I am not being authentic to myself. I will drop everything I am doing to help others I will help you with anything you want, need, or desire. If I help you, I don’t have to help me, I don’t have to take care of me.

Don’t get me wrong here.

I am not weak, I am strong.

I am confidant, I am smart, and I shine.

I have moments of bravery and taking chances. But they are only moments.

I am not meek or wimpy or frail.

I am a rock star inside. I am wild, I am artistic and creative.

But I only show glimpses of me and I won’t let you in unless I trust you.

I guard myself well.

When I do this, I don’t write what is truly inside, I don’t speak my heart, just my mind.

I remain trapped, and I don’t breathe fire.

So my word is Brave.

I have not been brave as of late. I have not had the important conversations, for fear of what will follow. I have procrastinated in the workings of my dreams, for fear of those that will get left behind.

Brave...I will dream BIG and spat fear in the face.

Brave so that I may let the artistic, creative me show every day and I will be ok with it, even when others are not, and I will be unapologetic.

It won’t come quickly and I am good with that. I am thankful for the grace given to me, allowing the word to resonate within me and my life.

Here is the wonderful part.

Two words, is what I started with.

I said to myself, “how can I decide? Universe, speak to me! What shall my word for 2014 be?”

And it came to me...”Brave” the universe said to me. “Tannis be Brave and you will find Beauty.” It wasn’t a whisper, it was fierce and loud.

One word, but in the end, there will be two that collide.

Brave and Beauty will crash into each other and the aftershock of that force will be me, and my life of 2014.

 

This particular version of this song reminds me to be free, to be wild, to live unapologetically, to sing aloud, “don’t fence me in!” to no one at all but myself!

Thank you so much for stopping by, for reading and I hope that you will come back.

 

Mindfulness. I'm up for a 40 Day Challenge!

January 10th, and we are inundated with New Year’s resolution suggestions, questions of failure or success, questions asked to engage us to answer with our own New Year’s Resolutions. Wow, talk about pressure. What about a challenge? I like that idea, because I like to privately challenge myself all the time, throughout the year.

Photo courtesy of Photobucket

My yoga instructor has come up with yet another great idea. A 40 Day Challenge. We have the option to participate or not, and if we do, we receive daily e mails of inspiration. I don't know about you, but the daily e mail of inspiration will help. I enjoy opening my Facebook and seeing the inspirational messages, ones I can forward, ones I can "like", and others I can just read, keep privately in my mind and let the words resonate with me.
Our challenge could be anything we choose. At the end of my class the other night when she proposed it to us, I knew I wanted to participate, but what would be my challenge? Give up wine for 40 days? I don't think so! If I practice a less than desirable yoga pose, like sleeping pigeon, every day for 40 days, at the end of that time, maybe I will learn to love the pose? That is doubtful! Give up sugar for 40 days? I think that's nearly impossible. Should I go 40 days without buying a magazine or book? I could I suppose, but I don’t want to!

Then I thought of the reasons I would choose a particular challenge. Would I choose something to help me change a bad habit, because I know that after 40 days, I am well on my way to being successful! Would I choose something I want to be better at, or something that would align itself with the yoga philosophy and benefit my mind, body and soul? All I know, is I don't want to pick something that I am going to fail at. I don't like to fail.
I went from having nothing to pick, to having too many to choose from. Here is what I decided. I want to challenge myself for 40 days, three things that will enrich my mind, body, and my soul!
For my Mind

I want to give myself a time limit to get off the computer at night! I am not a good sleeper to begin with. I had been on sleeping medication for the last 2 years, and just in the past few weeks, I made the decision to go off. I had tried cutting back, taking it only every other day, allowing myself to choose days that I thought I could get less sleep. How do you choose that? I thought that was a stupid suggestion from my doctor! I tried it though, and I was failing. So I just made up my mind that I would go off my medication and just do it. I put the fear of spiraling back into the land of insomnia out of my mind, and I did it! Now it may seem like I am digressing, but the computer likely has a great deal to do with my over active mind, especially at night. So my first challenge is to shut the computer down at 10pm, no research, no Pinterst, no Facebook, nothing! So if you see after 10pm that I have "liked" your status, commented on your page, or "pinned" something, please call me on it! Point it out and tell me I may be failing my challenge! I need that help!
For my Body
I am going to practice mindfulness in the kitchen. There usually comes a time for many of us this time of year, when we have eaten too much over the holidays, we are sick of winter food, we want summer to hurry up and arrive. Here where it is so cold, January is the time when we want to BBQ, eat fresh fruit, shop at the market, and eat lighter, because we are sick of food. I feel it every year, and I sometimes disconnect with the food I am preparing. The whole saying of we are what we eat, our bodies are our temples, we feed out soul, there has got to be some truth to that. So I am going to practice for 40 days, being mindful in my kitchen. I am going to use the rainbow of colors to cook my food, I am going to only buy what is good for us to eat, and I am going to cook good, healthy food! I cook good, healthy food now, but I need to be mindful of being better. Being mindful, being fully aware, present, and wearing that cute apron I got just before Christmas!
For my Soul
I am part of a group of people who come together at a writing forum. One of the things that they have practiced is mindful writing. The challenge is to notice something every day, and write a sentence or two, or a small poem about what it is. It is about finding beauty in something every day. This idea, I like allot. Something that frustrates me every day is how our faces are focused on our phones, we walk by people and don't notice them, we don't look into people’s eyes and we don't really listen! We are all guilty of this and some of us are worse than others. So my challenge for my soul is to take notice of something or someone every single day and write a little bit about it. Maybe I will stop for a moment and look out my window and actually watch the squirrel that runs on my fence and jumps from tree to tree several times a day. Maybe it will be someone I pass by one day, maybe it will be a snowflake on the window, a snow covered branch.
I am really looking forward to this 40 day challenge. It starts for me on Jan 14th, so please feel free to check in on my and see how it's going. Please feel free to join me, and make your own 40 day challenge. Let me know if you want to join me and we can support each other!
As always, thanks for stopping by!
Tannis

New Year Wishes

We are coming upon that evening, of ringing in the New Year! Come midnight, glasses will be tinkling, lips will be kissing, and hearts will be full of faith for a better year ahead. My hope is that you spend more time looking forward than you do looking back! I know I am certainly going to try!

Do you make New Year’s Resolutions?

I don't. I feel the same way about New Year’s resolutions as I do about Valentines. You should not have just one day that you choose to show love, just like you shouldn't have one day to have as the defining starting point of making positive changes! These should be every day. That does not mean that I don't take some time for reflection, forgiveness and taking in the familiarity of my mistakes and how I can make changes for the better. My inspiration comes in unsystimatic moments though, and it is a process that always takes a long time for me, with much thought and consideration.

I do like to wish people a Happy New Year. It is a nice positive wish that you can wish for anyone, no matter what their race, religion, or beliefs. Even if someone does not celebrate New Year’s, wishing them a great year should be viewed as just that, a wish you have for them.

I am always intrigued by how we all choose to celebrate New Year’s Eve. I have not found the perfect way to ring in the New Year. Not yet. I remember as a kid, my mom would always be working New Years Eve. We kids would be at home with my dad, (unlike Christmas, I do remember how we spent many of our new years eve). It was always the same, in the living room, blankets sometimes on the floor, watching Dick Clark and the ball light up, everyone on TV singing and kissing and confetti all over the place. Then we would call my mom at work and wish her a Happy New Year!

I have never been one for very large New Years Eve celebrations. It always amazed me that women can have their hair and makeup done to perfection, a new outfit on their bodies, and then they get drunk, fall all over bathrooms, fight with their men, and ruin what could have been a perfectly fun evening. Men fight with each other, kiss women they shouldn't, and fail to be present in the moment most times. Just my observations by the way!

Intimate dinners and celebrating with family and friends is always nice, surrounding ourselves with people we trust and love, and who bring out the good in us! The last few years we have gone to a hockey game, which has always been fun. This year will be nice, as we now actually have a TEAM! Haley has her very own jersey too!

A few years ago, the company I worked for was selling these.

They are little cards that you give out, with candy and a hand written message. I think I only ever gave one out, but I kept them, as I thought they were a wonderful idea. I love the thought of personalizing in your own handwriting, a wish that you have for someone, something that comes from your heart, with genuine love.

I may take some time in the next few days, to write a few out that I can give to the people I care about. When these are all gone, you can bet I will be designing and making my own!

This is not my day to reflect, to think, to honour my year. I just don't feel it right now, but I will!

So friends, Happy New Year! I wish for you much health, joy, laughter, and strength of mind and soul! I know we say every year, may this be our best year yet! That is a good goal to have, so maybe this will be the year, we make the changes we need, to make that wish actually come true!

Happy New Year!

~Tannis~